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One of the greatest advantages of having close friendships is that our close friends can support and help us when things get rough in our lives.
In exchange for the support our friends give us throughout a crisis, the majority of us also help our close friends when they need it.
Within a romantic relationship between two emotionally healthy adults, the roles of giving and receiving help are balanced. Both folks offer help and receive help from each other in roughly equal amounts.
However, you can find some individuals who often take on the role of being the helper, regardless of what relationship they are in.
These folks have friendships that focus exclusively on trying to solve the issues of their close friends. We occasionally call this quality "co-dependency", and we might label those who are obsessed with helping others "co-dependent".
An individual who is co-dependent will tend to have relationships with people who have a lot of difficulties - emotional, social, familial and financial. The co-dependent individual might devote much of their very own time, money, and energy helping other people who have problems, while ignoring the issues in their very own life.
Why would someone be co-dependent?
An individual who's co-dependent frequently suffers from a deep sense of worthlessness and anxiousness, and tries to derive a sense of self-worth by helping or rescuing others.
A person who's co-dependent might not know how to loosen up and feel comfy in a friendship where both individuals are equals and the relationship is based on enjoying one another's company.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to see whether your "helping" behavior might actually be co-dependency:
- Do you have a difficult time saying no to other individuals, even if you are incredibly busy, financially broke, or completely exhausted?
- Are you currently always sacrificing your own needs for everyone else?
- Do you really feel much more worthy as a human being mainly because you have taken on a helping role?
- When you stopped helping your good friends, would you feel guilty or worthless?
In case you answered "yes" to a lot of these questions, you may indeed have an issue with co-dependency.
This doesn't mean that you simply are a flawed individual.
It means that you simply are spending a lot of energy on other individuals and very little on yourself.
If you suspect that your helping behavior is a form of co-dependency, an excellent therapist or counselor will help you get perspective on your behavior and learn a more balanced way of relating to other individuals.
There are many superb books available on the subject of co-dependency. One excellent book is neil strauss the game on the game strauss internet site. Lots of guys get girls by using this book. Support groups including Al-Anon may also help.
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